Palative Potables - Bitter Defeat

War of 1812 - Battle of New Orleans

    Sometimes ignomonious defeat comes with its own reward.  As you choke down the bitter pill of loss, it is important to remember that you don't have to choke it down alone - you could be sputtering and swallowing it with a few good dashes of booze.

This Palative Potable isn't to make you feel better, it's to help you wallow in the stinking pit of losing.  It's to make you take it all in a little more, just in case there were some details of getting whipped you might have forgotten.



Palative Potable - Bitter Defeat

1 oz Vodka
1 oz Dubonnet Blanc
1/2 oz Dry Vermouth
2-3 dashes Peychaud's Bitters
2-3 dashes Angustura Bitters

This drink has a designed hole in it.  There is no finishing burn, no end to the taste - it starts off as a dry knuckle, and pulls back before delivering the whole punch.  Don't expect to feel satisfied at the end of the bitter defeat, expect to feel robbed.  It isn't even bitter enough to deserve the name, but it's just bitter enough to not be in any other category.

From the Lab

At a party, most people see a bunch of liquor bottles and immediately clam up.  They resort quickly to shorthand recipes that taste mediocre no matter the quality of the ingredients.  Rum and Coke, Jack and Coke, Gin and Juice, Screwdriver, you get the idea.  None of these drinks will ever win a cocktail competition, but they will rule a party. 

Last weekend - before I sang a raucous ballad to the porcelain goddess - I was happy to observe this phenomenon in action.  With a beautiful menu, and a quite good spread of liquors at the party, I watched people prepare exclusively comfort cocktails that they knew.  I think most people would be much happier behind the bar if they just relaxed and realized that they can never make a drink as bad as the bankers drinks they had freshman year of college.  If people realized that - they might be a little less risk adverse when faced with the difficult task of constructing a cocktail given an unfamiliar liquor spread. 

With that in mind, here is a drink I just came up with a few minutes ago.  It stinks.

Curdled Juice:
Muddled Mango Pieces That Need to be Eaten Before They Go Bad
3 oz English Dry Gin
1 Dash Fee Brothers Orange Bitters
1/2 Tsp Raw Agave Syrup
1 1/2 oz Dubonnet Blanc

Shake and strain into small snifter.

Yuck.  The muddled mango and bitters gives it the complexion of curdled orange juice, while the dry gin and dubonnet are sour together without any positive interactions.  While I surmise the drink might have been less bad with a half ounce or so of fresh lemon juice,  I think I'll be inventing a new category of failed drinks to accompany "Dishwater" - "Curdled."

For every moderately good recipe someone comes up with, there are usually a half a dozen ones that rate only a hair above "double shot of bankers with a pilfered fountain drink chaser."  So next time you see a party spread, take heart, pour a crappy but creative drink, and if worst comes to worst, pawn it off on the drunkest guy in the room, they'll appreciate the kindness of a delivered cocktail as they swill it down.

Satanic Cocktails, Diabolo Part II

I try to give each drink I make for the first time a fair chance.  I've long since discovered that some tastes build on you, and it may take until the second or third try on a cocktail to appreciate the taste.  I'm going to do that for the Diabolo - yesterday I made two of them, and was quite unimpressed, so today I am making several more.

My first impression yesterday was that the 2:1 dubonnet rouge to gin was way off.  Too much dubonnet, and not enough chance to taste the orgeat.  So after the first one, I tweaked the recipe - lowered the dubonnet, increased the gin until it was 1:1.  I added a dash or so of peychaud's bitters just for kicks (and because the color without the peychaud's had been close to crimson, and I thought it only fair to make a cocktail named diabolo a more hell-and-brimfire hue.

Diabolo #1 (Cocktaildb.com)                  Diabolo #2 (Dubonnet Correction)
1 1/4 oz Gin                                               1 3/4 oz Gin
2 1/4 oz Dubonnet Rouge                          1 3/4 oz Dubonnet Rouge
1/2 oz Orgeat                                             1/2 oz Orgeat
                                                                   2 Dashes Peychauds Bitters

Yesterday's second try had the distinction of no longer tasting only of dubonnet.  However, it also tasted like a dishwater cocktail - no distinct flavor or direction.  So, today I decided to try it first with the 1:1 ratio without the peychauds, to see if I could stick to the spirit of the drink, but fix the problem from the first try.  The first sip was great, but I soon noticed what the peychauds had covered up on the second try - too much bitter gin flavor.

Diabolo #3 (A New Look)
1 1/2 oz Gin
1 1/2 oz Dubonnet Rouge
1/2 oz Orgeat

Well, next up I decided to push a little more towards the original, but to increase the orgeat presence.  So I went with:

Diabolo #4
1 1/4 oz Gin
1 1/2 oz Dubonnet Rouge
2/3 oz Orgeat

This combination did for me what a decent drink often does - it slipped by without note.  I fairly slopped it back without hesitation or remark.  Almost as though I might have gotten the mixture right.  I'm guessing that my orgeat is less sweet than what is usually used.  Or, using brown sugar instead of regular sugar changed things up.  Either way, this seems to embody what the cocktail was originally.

Just to keep things fresh though, I'm trying it one more time, this time back to the 1:1, but with a spoonful of ouzo floated on the top.

Diabolo #5 (EU Bailout Special)
1 1/2 oz Gin
1 1/2 oz Dubonnet Rouge
1/2 oz orgeat
1/4 oz Ouzo

If only I had a particularly German ingredient in there... Add everything but the ouzo, shake and twirl, strain, then float the ouzo.

Well, that's one good drink with which to finish this installment of Satanic Cocktails.  The ouzo completely takes over the scent, and adds a distinctive burn at the end, but the strength of the dubonnet and the gin preserves the Diabolo's original flavor. 

The Elephant's Ear

Who has the Elephant's Ear these days?  With Rush Limbaugh jumping off the deep end as often as possible, Glen Beck coming in remarkably high on Time's 100 Most Influential People in the world, and just slightly edged out by Sarah Palin at that (!), predicting the direction of the GOP is nebulous.

Well, I sat down today to puzzle over just that.  With no answers forthcoming, I slurped down a few Elephant's Ear Cocktails, turned off Fox News, and went to do something productive.  With no clear leaders, or even people willing to put forward an accomplishment (Think McCain and Immigration, or Romney and Health Care, Palin and ??????), I can't imagine the GOP coming up with any sort of victory in 2012.  But that's just me.

 I found it a little difficult to take a good picture of the drink - I kept having the problem of too little drink left, because who wouldn't want a sip or two in between frames?

1oz Gin
3/4oz Dry Vermouth
3/4oz Dubonnet Rouge

It says stir, but as usual, I found the 'Two shakes and then swirl" method more tasty.  Enjoy!

The taste was interesting, but I suggest you make your own if you'd like to know what it is.

Orange Liqueurs

Well, I did a little digging after a few gins last night, and discovered that my price range for the orange liqueurs I listed last time weren't accurate - I was pricing the Grand Marnier too low.

According to my sources over at google, the prices are as follows:

Grand Marnier:  $45
Contreau:           $40
Triple Sec:         $Depends, but anywhere from $5-20 for 750ml

That really turns me off to Grand Marnier and Contreau, because I feel like there is no middle ground orange liqueur.  Now I'm all for premium brands, and I drink them when I get the chance, but I seldom if ever have bought a bottle of premium at this point in my life.  I know there will come a time when my liquor shelf (cabinet? closet? larder?) extends to excellent brands of all sorts of liquors and liqueurs, but for now, I wish there were something better than the triple sec freshmen use for their kamikazes, but less expensive than the Hampton's priced Contreau/Marnier.

Last night I was having the bartender (behind the open bar) make a Bombay, Contreau, and seltzer drink that wasn't too bad.  Wasn't great, but if I tweak it, maybe it'll be better than a watered-down French Kiss.  I'll give an update if/when I get around to trying it.  Don't expect me to use Contreau though, not at $1.60 an ounce.  Maybe I'll put that bottle of Dubonnet to some more use though...